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SquareBoy's Super Smash-Up 5: The Final Smashdown
SquareBoy's Super Smash-Up 5 is a video game for the Nintendo 3DS, Wii U, Sega Genesis, Wuu!, Xbox One, and Ouya platforms, as well as the PC, Mac, and Linux operating systems, released in May 2014 and developed by Whothefuckcares Productions. It is the fifth and final game in the series of the same name, and is rated AO for Adults Only, due to blood, disturbing imagery, violence, use of drugs and alcohol, strong language, sexual references and images, and nudity. The game was the most well-received out of the whole series, with its graphics and social activism praised. Plot SquareBoy, who is apparently a prominent gay rights blogger on the Internet (running his own website called equalityforallsquares.gov) finds out that the law legalizing same-sex marriage for the entire country is about to be passed, but the Republican Party will do anything they can to stop it. Even worse, a presidential election is coming up, and the Republicans have some new tricks up their sleeve. Enraged, SquareBoy gathers his weapons and prepares to smash and bash his way through 8 different islands to deliver equality and righteousness to America! (With the help of Alexandre Q. Beandot, of course.) Worlds The worlds in this game are split up in a different way than usual: there are only 8 worlds (and 1 secret world) and more levels inside each world. Every world features a miniboss, fought halfway through the world, and a boss, fought at the end. World 1 - Greenhill Island The first world is a generic, grassy island. Basically Greeny Greenhouse in island form. *'1-1: Greenhill Plains' - A basic plains level, where the game's mechanics are introduced. *'1-2: Corncrumble Maze' - SquareBoy finds his way to a corn maze overrun with Corndudes and Beandots. *'1-3: Dank Dark Cave' - An underground level featuring tons of Beeuts and the new flashlight gimmick. *'1-Gate: Shadowy Gate' - In the first Gate level, SquareBoy fights the mysterious Gatekeeper for the first time. *'1-4: Hilltop Hustle' - This level features quite a few hills and quite a few enemies. *'1-5: Windy Stormy Cape' - In this level, it's (obviously) very windy and stormy, so SquareBoy must hang onto trees to avoid being blown away. *'1-Castle: Hangcat's Glitzy Revenge' - Hangcat, this time decked out in flamboyant clothing, returns to seek her final revenge on SquareBoy. World 2 - Sandune Island This world features pyramids, palm trees, oasises (oasi?), and giant stone idols. So, pretty much Doomy Desert. *'2-1: Squaresand Pathway '- This level serves as an underground, sand-filled pathway going underneath the ocean. *'2-2: Sand Geyser Pyramid '- Obviously, a pyramid, with tons of puzzles and sand geysers. *'2-3: Stone Idol Stepping Stones '- The ground in this level is covered in quicksand, so SquareBoy must use giant stone Easter Island heads to move around. *'2-Tower: Boehner's Bonetower '- John Boehner, the Speaker of the House, is the miniboss of this chapter. While ascending the tower, SquareBoy must dodge massive stone penises as well as Boehner's tears, which fall down from the top of the tower. *'2-4: Signpost Slide '- SquareBoy rips off a sign that says "Danger! Quicksand!" and uses it to slide down the giant hills of this level. *'2-5: Straight-Ass Sewers '- It turns out that Sandune Island's sewage system is acting up, and SquareBoy must go down into the abhorrent-smelling sewers which are filled with Benjamin Butts. *'2-Castle: Anglertut Attack '- The boss of this chapter is Anglertut, a large, scary anglerfish with a King Tut head-shaped lure that peeks out of pipes. *'2-6: 'Sterious Stalks '- This secret level is unlocked by finding a key hidden in Straight-Ass Sewers, and features SquareBoy navigating giant beanstalks. World 3 - Shineshore Island Shineshore Island features tropical weather and sandy beaches, in addition to tons of swimming levels and Crabbies. *'3-1: Starfish Shore '- This level features quite a few starfish and the first swimming area of the game, where SquareBoy is found snorkeling. *'3-2: Beachy Highland Crags '- This level takes place on a craggy coast by the beach, where dirtgirlwords finally appear and SquareBoy navigates rock structures. *'3-3: Undersea Ruins '- In this level that takes place entirely underwater, waterlogged ruins (possibly of Atlantis) are explored. *'3-Gate: Waterlogged Gate '- After going through a tower with fluctuating water levels, SquareBoy fights the Gatekeeper (who uses swimming this time) for the second time. *'3-4: Ghastly Ghost Ship '- While swimming in dark caves, SquareBoy encounters an abandoned pirate ship overrun by Ghosteys and spooky traps. *'3-5: Deep Dark Depths '- SquareBoy dives to the bottom of the ocean surrounding the island, and meets anglerfish and other dangerous undersea creatures. *'3-6: Suncatcher Cove '- Going back to land, SquareBoy finds a sunny cove... that also happens to have copious amounts of enemies. Fun. *'3-Castle: Turd Flyer's Terrible Tide Pool '- After swimming about in a tide pool, SquareBoy fights the boss of the chapter - Turd Flyer, a strange, tattooed native creature whose mount is a winged turd. World 4 - Junglump Island This world, similar to Jingle Jungle from the first game, features dense rainforests, rivers, caves, and even a winery, for some reason. *'4-1: Viney Vineyard '- A basic jungle level, set in a vineyard where expensive wine is produced, where SquareBoy has to swing on vines to get from platform to platform. *'4-2: Smelly Cellar '- SquareBoy breaks into the winery's main headquarters and has to brave the underground cellar, featuring an overload of Beeuts and a flowing wine river. *'4-3: Treetop Towers '- This stage involves hopping from tall trees and later riding on clouds through the jungle treetops. *'4-Tower: Big, Bad Barricade '- In this fort-themed tower, SquareBoy has to dodge giant rolling logs and pine trees similar to the ones found in Pine Tree Panic. The miniboss for this chapter is Big, Bad Butt Cheeks, returning with a vengeance and now with palm trees growing out of him. *'4-4: Phant Parade '- SquareBoy's trek through the jungle is interrupted by a large procession of Phants, elephant-like creatures, and he has to hitch a ride on one to get through tough obstacles. *'4-5: Rugged Rainforest '- This long level features pouring rain that wears down SquareBoy as he navigates through a maze-like rainforest. *'4-Castle: Eli Phant's Jungle Clearing '- This chapter's boss is Eli Phant, a mysterious, suited-up man in an elephant mask who, after defeated, is revealed to be an angry Ted Cruz in disguise. *'4-6: Rowdy River Rafting '- This secret level is unlocked by taking an alternate path in 4-5, and in it, SquareBoy must ride on a rickety raft in a jungle river while being chased by a massive river monster. World 5 - Rainboride Island This expansive island starts out with scenic sky-themed levels as SquareBoy ascends higher and higher into the clouds, eventually traveling into space. *'5-1: Rainbow Heights '- High in the sky, SquareBoy must slide on traveling rainbows and hitch rides on clouds to traverse through this level. *'5-2: Shimmering Pond '- In this underwater level, SquareBoy explores a strange technicolor pond in the middle of the sky. *'5-3: Sky Rocket Ruckus '- SquareBoy finds a rocket and uses it to travel up further and further into the atmosphere in this vertical level. *'5-Gate: Sunnyshade Gate '- This gate features a gimmick where lights turn on and off, forcing SquareBoy to proceed through his surroundings with caution, and ends with another fight with the Gatekeeper with the same gimmick. *'5-4: Asteroid Joyride '- Now completely in space, SquareBoy finds a friendly asteroid and must ride on it to ward off evil asteroids. *'5-5: SquareBoy... In Space!!! '- SquareBoy must purchase an astronaut suit and traverse through space, complete with weird gravity. *'5-Castle: The Rainbow Dimension '- After traveling through space, SquareBoy is sucked into a mysterious wormhole and encounters a deity known as the Rainbow Serpent. *'5-6: The Planet Myxlypxyrk '- This secret level is unlocked by finding a secret exit in 5-5, and features SquareBoy heading to the home planet of Alien XYZ from USG and ESB Adventures. World 6 - Mistecho Island This mysterious world is made up of expansive, misty mountains, snowy peaks, rocky highlands, and castle ruins. *'6-1: The Mountain of Mist '- In the first level of World 6, SquareBoy scales a misty, mysterious mountain chock-full of enemies, puzzles, and stone statues. *'6-2: Attack of the Avalanche '- After SquareBoy accidentally sets off an avalanche, he must frantically run down the other side of the mountain to avoid being swept up. *'6-3: Ice-Shave Cave' - This subterranean level features slippery walkways, strange new ice-themed enemies, and giant chasms that are very easy to slide into. *'6-Tower: The Rockyrumble Hall of Fame '- This tower is fashioned like a museum, featuring various rock and roll-related "exhibits" (that all try to attack SquareBoy, of course). The chapter's miniboss is a familiar foe: guitar-playing potato The Rocker, now with a backup band. *'6-4: Broken Stone Cathedral '- In another familiar location from USG and ESB's past travels, this level features significant religious imagery and statues that SquareBoy must swing from. *'6-5: Fog-Shrouded Forest '-''' 'After escaping the cathedral, SquareBoy finds himself in a foggy, expansive forest, with very low visibility and multiple paths to take. *'6-6: Stony Highlands '- Back in the mountains, this level takes place at sunset and contains wild mountain goats that SquareBoy can ride on, as well as an abundance of rock creatures. *'6-Castle: Rocky Roll's Railroad '''- SquareBoy falls into an underground railway and faces the boss of the chapter: Rocky Roll, a massive, thuggish boulder with a strange bandage on the back of his face... who just happens to be The Rocker's dad.